


Compromise Between Understandings

by okaydan



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-22
Updated: 2015-12-22
Packaged: 2018-05-08 11:58:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,006
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5496242
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/okaydan/pseuds/okaydan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which Dan has an epiphany.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Compromise Between Understandings

The shower was steamy, further clouding Dan’s already fogged mind with more hot mist. 

It was his second shower of the day, a reality vaguely recognized as the brunet stepped onto the porcelain tub. The water from his morning shower left the blue shower mat damp, however after 2 minutes under the stream, the mat no longer held any indication of the brisk water it was doused in a mere four hours previously. The heat of the water was enough to leave even Dans tan skin a blotchy red hue. 

In any other circumstance, Dan would be clawing at the irritations. However, he stood silent, and staunch; his neck stooped slightly only to avoid his brown hair from releasing water droplets down his face in uncomfortable intervals. 

He, much like the mat under his foot, felt as if he possessed no indication of the person he once was. The person he once believed himself to be. 

Students of French language claim to undergo a moment which they refer to as "the click." In a second, all of the hours spend studying and absorbing the language in study, click into place, like two Legos being pieced together. The two blocks secured together, clinging to one another, a comfortable, perfect fit. 

Much like the students of foreign dialects, Dan himself experienced a click. An unexpected moment of clarity that shook him, a realization that slid itself into his reality, unable to be released. Dan supposed he really knew all along, and this was just the curtain being pulled aside, the lens of certainty being placed in front of his now shattered concept of truth. 

Standing under the steam of the shower, Dan let the word tumble around his brain, allowed for it to mingle with the fog, hoping it would disintegrate into water, spiral down the drain, away from his conscious' acceptance; harming him no more. 

He hardly knew why it was affecting him so much. He felt no different now than he did during his first shower. He was the same Dan. Same hair, fingers, lips. Same feelings. Only clearer. And to anybody else this maybe would be comforting. He felt as if he should be comforting.

He was so scared of the dark, so why is it that he is cursing the illumination on this realization? 

He decided he wasn't scared of the truth itself, but the fact that it was kept from himself from so long. His own subconscious shielding him, for a quarter of a century. He felt more exposed now than ever. 

He decided his "click" was not much of a click at all. Perhaps it was more of a shift. Perhaps this was why he felt so jarred by this new word's presence. This new truth's presence. And, in all fairness, it was jolting, to gain truths at the expense of accepted farces. It's much less of a replacement of old with new, but more of a compromise between understandings. 

He stood under the stream, knowing he had plenty of time before it would run cold. He ran the scenario around his head, feeling as if he was only watching a movie in an old cinema. A film by the name of his cursed realization, outside the cinema, it's black leaders sat stark against the white background, the flashing lights drawing in attention, for all to see. 

He felt a cold bolt of panic rush through him, he had to turn those lights off, take the attention from the feature film debuting inside the theatre. The film didn't stop playing though; slide by slide, Dan watched as the pale of Phil's face drew nearer to him, his pink lips grinning, and swollen. 

He felt the jolt of arousal from the memory itself, pounding through his veins, the following minutes hidden behind a mask. A veil that shields the truth, and all of its guilts behind it. 

Dan didn't remember getting out of the shower. He didn't remember wrapping himself in a threadbare towel, and crossing the hall into his winter breeze chilled room. A shirt hung off of his shoulders. It didn't smell like himself. 

Barefoot, he crossed the hall once again, his hair dripping down his back, a pool collecting at the waist of his sweat pants. His knuckles fell against the white wood; a small sound came from under them. The noise pulled Dan further into awareness of the present. 

The door opened to reveal a man in similar attire, his black hair slightly unkempt, almost as if somebody had woven their fingers in between the silky locks. He smiled warmly. The first ember of comfort glowed momentarily at the sight of the grin. 

Dan opened his mouth to speak which revealed to him to realize how dry it was. How any words that would succeed at pushing past his lips would sound dry, and croaked, an obvious indication of the hot tears that soaked his tan cheeks sometime before the shower. Or was it during the shower? Dan couldn't remember.

He, and Phil never discussed sexuality, or feelings at all for that matter. Feelings were explored through impulse, actions that spoke a million words, not a single vowel need being articulated. Was Dan wrong to think he could come here, to break the barrier that kept them separate, was this where the metaphorical line was drawn?

_"Why so glum chum?"_

Phil then had Dans face in his hands, Dan didn't remember the soft skin of Phil's slender hands reaching for his face, but with a thumb soothingly caressing the skin of his cheek he realized he could formulate no complaints. He suddenly felt stupid for questioning if he could open up to Phil. 

He took a deep breath. His mind’s eye zoomed out to the front of the cinema, his truth boxed in by pale yellow lights for all to see, the lens of clarity perched in front of the realization, the sole cause of the compromise between understandings. 

A shaky breath filled Dan's lungs. 

_"I think I'm bisexual."_

**Author's Note:**

> GAH i havent written one of these in 300 years i am rusty as shit, my apologies amigos  
> thanks 2 danthrusts on tumblr for beta'ing


End file.
